A Tribute to JP

"Stupid cancer. We all want a new car, a new phone. A person who has cancer only wants one thing... to survive"

So, at this point, most of you probably know of the passing of one of my best friends, JP last week. I appreciate all of the support and kind words I've received from so many people. He was a wonderful, wonderful guy. Below is a recent picture of us.

 For JP:

I wish there was just one more day. One more time that he would tell me "Girl, you need Jesus", or "B*tch I WILL stab you" Or "Don't EVER touch my phone again" (Response to when I switched his new phone he didn't know how to work too well yet to Spanish... haha) We had many, many "inside" jokes that no one else really understands. JP, one of my best buddies... you are missed, so much, by so many. I'm trying not to be selfish, I really am, because obviously you were needed up there for something special God had in store for you, but sometimes I feel like I need you here more. I will never forget you or the amazing friendship we had. I have been so blessed to have you in my life, if only for a few short years. I know you're looking down on me, and right now that's bringing me comfort. I love you - You're my angel now.

 

More from my Bucket List....

I've been enjoying creating this.... so I thought I'd continue to share.

Fast for 3 days - just bread and water

Do a backflip on my Trampoline

Paint my bedroom red, black, or hot pink

Ride Space Mountain

Prepare a Lobster Dinner

Invent an identity

Surf

Sit in a skybox at a sporting event

Catch the bouquet

and last but not least tonight - Roll my own sushi :)

Something Different....

I hope everyone had a fantastic weekend, I did! It went by too quick! 

So I decided to try something a little different today and use some images that really struck home for me. Enjoy! And I MAY decide to tag on some bucket list items at the end.... 

And for the VERY beginning of my Bucket List (I have SO many things).... The Bold items in red have already been accomplished. This is just a very random order, starting from the beginning of my list. So here it goes:

Attend the Olympics

Go Up in a Hot Air Balloon

Finish a marathon without throwing up

Learn to Sew …. Like actually be able to make things, not just sewing broken buttons.

Skinny Dip

Cut a Demo tape at a recording studio

Press Flowers

Learn to play an instrument

Venture cross country on a Harley

Catch fireflies

Learn to Sail

Attend a Catholic Mass WILLINGLY

Swim with Dolphins

Wow, I didn't realize out of this bunch that I have accomplished so many. There is still so much left though! And I'm afraid, no matter how long I live, whether it be until next week or for 70 more years I don't think I will accomplish them all.... But that's the fun of it I suppose :) Will add some more later on :)
Leave some comments, or any Bucket List ideas! 

Something I Received and Definitely Needed Today...

As many of you know, my birthday was 9/11... I received a birthday card from my piano teacher when I was younger with a piece of writing called "The Optimist Creed" I had never heard it before (maybe I am just behind on the times?) but I really needed it today... it really lifted me up. And I hope it does the same for all of my readers!!

The Optimist Creed

Promise yourself: To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. 

To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.

To make all of your friends feel that there is something in them.

To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.

To think only the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and to give every living creature you meet a smile. 

To give so much to the improvement to yourself that you have no time to criticize others.

To be too large for worry too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and to happy to permit the presence of trouble.

I found this to be absolutely beautiful and wanted to share with everyone. Thank you to Mary G., My piano teacher for years for sending this in my birthday card. She did it in calligraphy and I am definitely having it framed, she is truly a beyond talented woman. Thank you Mrs. G for all you have given me in my life, and for keeping up with me, even when I fall behind. You are truly loved. 

P.S. How is everyone, especially all of my dedicated followers? I've missed our ranting and raving about life and would love to get back to it again. 

To New Beginnings....

This post has been a long time coming. So, I'm officially a quarter century years old as of yesterday, and the 4 year mark of the beginning of my battle is coming up very soon.

Things have been hectic, per usual, but I've also had a lot on my mind as well. I've met so many inspiring people throughout my battle with this horrible, horrible disease. I'm sick of seeing it take innocent lives way too early, and I continue to fight. 

Things have been almost too good lately, I've been so incredibly blessed with amazing people in my life, some new, some old, some re-kindled friendships. And for that, I cannot be more thankful. The support and help I receive from friends and family astonishes me every time I think about it. I would like to take a second to thank someone who has been such an inspiration in my life, Deb Overly. I met Deb when I was in high school, and you could never ask for a more supportive, loving, and encouraging individual. I consider myself so blessed to have Deb in my life. I wish everyone fighting this disease was fortunate enough to have a "Deb" in their life. 

And then there's the negative. The Whys.... The begging for answers. It goes through my mind every single day. I find myself trying to find reasons why I have this disease, and why so many other people end up suffering so much because of what this disease does to you not only physically, but psychologically. Since I was diagnosed, I've watched so many people lose their battle to this disease and I'm determined to make some sort of difference, in what exact way, I'm not yet positive. Right now my focus is on me, getting well for good, continuing my job search, and getting 100% healthy. 

Since my last post, almost 2 years ago, (GOSH, I cannot believe it's been so long) so much has happened. I lost my grandfather (mom's dad) last October, one of the greatest men I've ever met, and I miss him terribly. Everyone has their own struggles, and I am not one to judge another person's life or even compare it to what I have been through personally. That's not my job here. My goal is to reach out to other people and find a way to beat this thing.

Also, in the past two years, I've started quite an extensive list of "Things I want to Do Before I Die." I think I am going to start posting a few at a time as I continue to update, which, I promise, will be much more often. So along with school, job searching, and of course periodic checkups and medication changes, I've kept pretty busy. I also have started a list of "Things People Probably Don't Know About Me" which I will also try to keep updated. Here goes the first few:

Things People May Not Know About Me

When I love you, you have my whole heart. 

I love being up at the lake in the summer with my family, our "family week" when 20+ of us are staying in one house is something I look forward to every single year.

I make most decisions very quickly.

I love laughter and laughing.

I still find myself wondering why the heck life has to be so challenging at times. 

I HATE cancer and all of the people it has affected in my life. 

I have been a nail-biter as far back as I can remember, but have recently quit. 

Cancer has changed me and my life forever. 

And last but not least for today, I'm learning simplicity. Keeping things as simple as possible, and enjoying every minute of it. We only get one life, and I want to live it positively and happily. I thank a certain individual who knows who they are for helping me realize this. 

I think I will post the "things to do before I die" separately from my blog postings... I'm also looking into getting away from the blog and possibly going for an actual website. We will see what happens :) 

As always, to all of you out there who read and support this battle called cancer, thank you. And to those of you who are fighting the disease, don't give up. Keep on keeping on. This monster CAN be beat. And all of you who are supporting someone with cancer...thank you. Your positive attitude and all you do is beyond appreciated. 

So, there was a brief little update... I look forward to hearing  from some of my bloggers soon! I've missed my writing time:) I'll be working on another post this afternoon, I do have a lot to catch up on!!

<3 Stacy 

Cancer Milestones...

So, I created this blog in order to keep my friends and family up-to-date with my progress and with my life --- I realize, I've been failing miserably at keeping it up. Sometimes it is so difficult to stay in touch with all of the people in my life who care about me and who want to be informed of my well-being. I created this site not only to allow people to "be in the know" and to leave encouraging comments of support, but also as a way for me to work through my own feelings about my disease and the ups and downs that come along with it.

One of my latest goals has been to maintain a "normal routine". I've made some progress, but I've also been forced to face the fact that cancer is NOT normal, and because of this fact it makes maintaining a completely normal routine impossible. I'm forcing myself to realize and accept that while fighting this disease my life is going to be messy and inconsistent. I've figured out there is only so much I can do to change this. My plans are forced to change at the drop of a dime, making me feel at times that I have no control over my life whatsoever. This lack of control is one of the most difficult things for me. Prior to cancer I was used to having 100% complete control over my life, but not with cancer!!

So although I've been slacking B-I-G-T-I-M-E with the updates, I assure you that is going to change - Starting now. (I know, I know, how many times have you heard that before?)

Over the past few months I've experienced many what I have decided to call "Cancer Milestones". So, I guess cancer and my current treatment is the logical place to start. As far as the treatment progression (or lack thereof), as of right now we are at a sort of temporary stand-still. After almost two months of the immunotherapy clinical trial regimen my body decided it was not going to tolerate it any longer. I developed some very severe (and WAY abnormal side effects.) As of last week I was taken off the drugs and given a 7 day break. I will resume the same immunotherapy treatment tomorrow with a decreased dosage and longer breaks between the cycles. If all goes well, hopefully I will be able to continue this treatment and my body won't react in crazy ways. Prior to the abnormal side-effects that developed with this trial over time I found this particular treatment to be the easiest on my body thus far. Through the duration of this regimen the extent of my discomfort didn’t normally progress any further than muscle aches and extreme fatigue. (Much better considering all of the other treatments and some of their horrible side effects I have experienced.) I’m keeping my fingers crossed that these stupid cancer cells decide to finally give up. Or to at least not increase and spread to any new locations.

As many of you already know, I am back in Ohio with my family – as of right now while I continue to fight this it is definitely the best place for me. I really do need the support and care from my family members. As hard as it is to be back at times, I have wonderful family and friends here. I get by reminding myself that this is not permanent and it is the best solution for me right now. Though true friends sometimes seem few and far between, I would give the world for the few I do have - they are simply amazing. Thank you.

Now for the GOOD NEWS. I officially got the “okay” from my doctors to begin lifting weights and training again (with the agreement that I would listen to my body and not push too hard.) For those of you who know me personally, you know this probably will be a little bit difficult for me, but I cannot tell you how happy I was to hear this news! It certainly turned my day around today. I will begin training with Scott Vickery here in Fremont at his gym tomorrow. As for today, I ran the first significant distance since the day I was diagnosed, almost TWO years ago. I got on the treadmill and ran almost 2 miles, and I feel GOOD! I'm hoping to eventually be able to run some local races again. I can't explain how amazing it feels to know that I have at least a little bit of control over my body again. Once I’m back into a little bit of shape I may try a few classes at the YMCA – I know my aunt is the instructor of one in particular that I would love to try. I'm probably getting a little too far ahead of myself as I am no where near conditioned enough to participate yet, but hopefully I will get to that stage sooner than later.

I'm even excited enough to post this post-run picture of myself!! (Now THAT is rare for me.)I also start school again as of Monday. Due to my health insurance requirements I have to be a full-time student – so here I go again!!! It's hard for me to believe today that only a week ago I was bored out of my mind – I definitely don’t foresee that being an issue for a while!

October 15^th will be another “Cancer Milestone” It will be the two year mark since my original diagnosis – not quite as positive as the other "Cancer Milestones" above, but it's there just the same. I look back and I cannot believe it’s been TWO years!! Once again, looking at the positive side, when I was diagnosed they told me I had 4-6 months to live, and I’m STILL HERE & STILL FIGHTING! I am determined to beat this disease and continue to advocate for this fight!!!

Thank you everyone for your continuous support and encouragement. I cannot tell you the difference it makes, especially on the bad days when motivation and positive energy is difficult to come by. THE FIGHT ISN'T OVER!!!

I will continue to update with my status & progress. I’d love to hear from everybody!! Definitely leave some comments!!!

Love,

Stacy

1 1/2 Year Cancer-Versary

1 1/2 Years Ago Today - I was Diagnosed with this Horrible Disease. 1 1/2 years ago today, the words "Cancer" and "Melanoma" came out of my doctors mouth and told ME, that yes, I had CANCER! I'm not sure why I find 1 1/2 years so significant (I mean, why wasn't a year so significant to me?? I'm not exactly sure. Maybe because I have been slacking HORRIBLY on keeping my blog up-to-date, and this 1 1/2 year mark is a chance to get it going again? Yes, let's go with that. I do know I've spent so much time thinking about what I wanted to say today. Somehow, I'm still stuck with nothing...

So, I guess here it goes...

18 Months ago today, my life changed when cancer interrupted everything I had going in what I thought was my perfect life. 1 1/2 years ago today, I was certain I would be dead in just a few months.

But today, 18 months later I AM ALIVE and I AM FIGHTING!!

I've decided to call it my Cancer-Versary

When I think of anniversaries, I think of milestones. The person I am today, 18 months after this disease decided to create a complete mess in my life is a completely different person than that scared girl who was told she had almost zero chance of seeing her next birthday. So today, oddly enough, is a happy day for me. I am still here.

So, how have I made it this far?

That is a question I find myself asking frequently, and after really thinking about it, I’ve realized the constant support of my friends (old and new) my amazing family, the ability to find HUMOR and to LAUGH at the many experiences associated with this horrible disease, the personal growth I’ve experienced since I was diagnosed, the non-profit foundation I co-founded with a friend in support of other people all over the world who are fighting and the overall change cancer has created in my life are the reasons I am still here today, 18 months later fighting harder than I could have ever imagined I had the ability to fight.

Somehow, at some point in the past 18 months I have learned how to stay positive (ok, at least I’ve learned to try really hard to be positive, most of the time.) I've stopped allowing myself to waste my time focusing on negative possibilities because I believe 100% in the horrible power that cancer can have. I know if I focus on the negative, that cancer truly has the ability to take over and end my life faster than the quickest spreading, most invasive cancers known. So, I do my best to shut down the negativity.

For someone my age, 18 months is a lifetime – and it really does seem like it sometimes. Losing my independence has been one of the worst things, but I've also learned that there are people here willing to move mountains for me. I have the greatest friends and family. Friends and family who have never left my side and who have loved me through good, bad, ugly, through EVERYTHING. The relentless love and support my family has probably been the strongest support line I could have ever have imagined. Since day one they have sacrificed more than anyone can ever believe possible in order to help me to their greatest possible capacity. They have provided such a solid, tangible foundation for me. They have never let me wonder how far they would go. When most people would be at their limit, they go furthur, every single time. For 18 months their dedication, love, faith, hope and support has NEVER wavered, regardless of the strength of the many, many trials and tests this disease continues to bring. They have been my strength, my voice, my eyes – not only now, but since the day I was born. The love I feel for them is so far beyond words or expression - They have been my life line, over and over again and I cannot thank them enough.

Cancer is so hard, but Humor has had a huge role in carrying me to where I am today. My friends and family have slowly adapted to my attitude of at least appearing to be dealing well. My friends laugh, at least 75-80% of the time we are awake and together, I’m not just talking, but I’m laughing. Laughing HARD. I’m talking doubled over in pain, tears running down my face, hyperventilating while making every attempt not to pee my pants kind of laughter. Non-stop – to the point of losing our voices from laughing so hard. I laugh at my situation constantly and laugh at myself even more. Laughing keeps me floating and my friends and family laugh with me to ensure I don’t drown in it.

The Bottom Line: 1 1/2 years ago today, Cancer changed my life. But cancer has also made me a new person. Cancer has made me better. If this hadn’t happened, I don’t feel at all confident I would ever have experienced true happiness. Cancer has given me the opportunity to learn about myself and the person I am in a way I never knew possible. Cancer has allowed me to begin a relationship with myself, a person I look back and realize I never really knew. I know God, I know peace and I know happiness. I go to bed every night with complete confidence that there is a reason for all of this happening in my life and knowing that I am safe. I used to depend on happiness and comfort from other people in my life, but I have finally learned what it means to rely on myself and to be content with the person I am and what I do. I am so at peace, so much more than before.

I have no idea what the future holds for me. I have no idea how long I will have to keep fighting this monster inside of my body. I HATE cancer and I HATE the negative things it has brought upon me over the past year and a half. I HATE sitting by and watching what cancer is doing to others and watching it destroy and take away innocent lives. But I do know that I am strong, I am resilient, I am determined, I am optimistic and I am a FIGHTER and a SURVIVOR. I can beat this, regardless of the obstacles cancer stands in my way. As much as I hate cancer and how it has taken over my body, my life and my world – Cancer has become a part of the person I have become and has truly taught me now to live. No matter how long I have to fight, I’m ready and will not fail.

Above all, I know I wouldn't be here today if I had to do this alone, in any aspect. I have been so lucky to receive such amazing support from my family and friends. I will never be able to express how much the people who stand by my side every single day mean to me. I truly have the most amazing Team of Cancer Fighting Warriors on my side helping me fight every step of the way. The constant support is appreciated more than you will ever know. 18 Months and counting, 18 months down, but the FIGHT is NOT over.